A light change of pace

So I decided that because most of my actual up-to-date love stories end up on my tumblr, I'll change up the purpose of this blog.
Why not get illegitimate love and relationship advice from the tiny Asian girl with a realm of romance issues and love life dilemmas?  It got me thinking. I'm terrible at following good relationship advice, and I'm even worse at giving it. So I'll give you my relationship advice simply because I think it's a good idea and it will probably be more entertaining than useful at any rate.
Anyway, what are two things I know well? Alcohol and sex.
Kidding.
But for the purpose of this particular blog, I'm going to write a not-so-helpful "what not to do" advisory post.

- I think the number one "what not to do" for any guy or any girl is playing the ex-card.
Anyone who's been in a relationship knows this card. We've all been in this situation, when you're doing something or are in the middle of discussion and somehow you or your partner relates some area of that topic of conversation to an ex. Doing the whole:
"Yeah I dated a guy who did ............."
"Yeah one of my exes used to............"
or the best one yet,
"Why did you do that? That reminds me of this thing my ex used to do, she would......"
I can admit to being an offender of playing the ex-card on multiple occasions. And I'll be honest, after noticing you do it, you'll bite your tongue afterwards and probably wish your bed would eat you alive.
First of all, if you think the other person wants to hear it, they probably don't. Unless they ask you or press you further, don't mention your exes. Ever.
It's bloody annoying to hear.
It's awkward as fuck thereafter.
And if your current partner doesn't want to rip your head off for talking about your multiple exes, then he or she is tolerating you only because you're good in bed.
Truth.
Face it. YOU don't want to hear the person you like or love talk about someone they used to be with. However, don't feel like a criminal if you're guilty of mentioning an ex every once in a while. I mean, an ex is an ex because you spent enough time getting to know them and equally enough time getting to know what you don't like about them so it's no surprise memories would resurface now and again. They were probably an important part of your life at one point, so why wouldn't they leave you with memories that--every once in a while--become relevant to a topic of conversation, I guess in that case, it isn't necessarily the worst thing in the world sometimes, but it's still an unwanted mention of 'Le Ex'. However, to incessantly drag on about this ex and that ex, especially if they're still a part of your life and still keep in touch with you every once in a while, I can guarantee that the relationship you're currently in will end VERY quickly.

- I don't give a fuck if you're drunk or sober or intoxicated in any way; if you are with a group of friends and your boyfriend is among them, DO NOT put him down like he's a piece of shit, for whatever reason. My biggest pet peeve is when I'm hanging out in a group and among us is a couple, and the boyfriend says something or does something, then the girlfriend proceeds to make some obnoxious retort that she probably thinks as being cute with sinister intent and now she looks like an annoying gremlin bitch who treats her boyfriend like shit.
Ladies, it's NOT cute.
When I'm with a guy, I'm usually happy, otherwise, why the fuck would I be with him? Nothing makes me happier than knowing that we can hang out with a group of friends, whether they're my friends or his, and we can get along well with everyone.
On the other hand, there are those girls that will turn to her boyfriend and go. "what the fuck? No, stop talking, idiot."
or "Just shut up, no one wants to listen to that story."
or "You don't know what you're talking about, oh my god, you are so dumb."
Why?
Why do you need to do that? What merit is there in making your boyfriend look like a douche or a dumbass? I mean I don't know too much about what's right or wrong in relationships, but I do know that no one wants to show the world that they treat their boyfriend like shit. And why would you want people to believe that your boyfriend is a piece of shit anyway? I don't get it. I really and truly don't. I looove it when other people can see the best parts of the guy I'm with. It reflects a good image on his character and a good image on my judge of character. If you're NOT embracing his good side when you're out with friends, then what the hell are you doing with him? Case and point.

Might as well give'er

I haven't written in this for quite some time now and with good reason.
As far as relationships are concerned and my personal dealings of love and the like, I'm really happy.
Yes, I know, you're probably thinking I run through men like a new set of batteries every month. I'm impartial to that claim...
Right now I am seeing someone I haven't mentioned before in this blog specifically. There isn't any reason in particular that I can address to explain this, but the closest excuse I have is that I've been too busy being in this relationship to write about it.
We're not necessarily dating but we're in the motions of dealing and it works. He lives around the corner from me so it's kind of funny the way our relationship is. For the record, our relationship has finicky lines to it. I say that because when I use the term "relationship", I mean to refer to it as a "more than just friends" ship. Lest we get this twisted.
So far, I think it's great. The more I get to know him, the more I like about him. I can comfortably say I'm happy and for once I have nothing to complain about. We're pacing ourselves fairly well through this. He gets along so well with my friends. He's on good terms with my brother which is rare.. very rare. He's a stable guy with a good head on his shoulders and honestly, I'm seeing a guy who isn't a closet nutcase.
I'm just remarkably pleased with the way this is going. We're on the same page with everything and we communicate well. There's no hidden messages.. no hieroglyphics I need to decipher,  no binary codes or cryptic securities I need to crack. Everything that needs to be said is said and communicated crystal clear.
He's cooperative and we just work well. I guess you could say we work like a team and its nice having someone who isn't just there to "make you feel good". It's a lot more than that. It's a really good friendship. The fact that everything we are is actually verbalized and defined makes me realize one vital thing...
I don't feel infatuated with him. I don't have this shroud of illusion mesmerizing me into believing he's the greatest thing to walk the face of the earth. I'm not sitting here thinking he's this god of almighty powers and sent from the heavens. I know what he is and what we are and I know how he feels and how I feel and just feel so secure being in this situation because he's not throwing me obstacles that make so little logical sense that I feel like he's intentionally trying to fuck with me. He just is the way he is. No loopholes, no mysteries, no strings attached. That's all there is to it. This is one of the most concrete things I've ever had with a guy simply because usually after a month with a guy, they usually send me into a whirlwind of confusion where I'm literally waiting another 5 months just to figure out what the hell they really want from me and that's absolutely bullshit. Miraculously enough, I don't get that absolute bullshit with this guy and it's a good feeling. To be honest, I like this so much better than being with someone who pretends they're something they're not. I have a major crush on this guy, but hey, he makes an awesome friend, he's kind of the romantic and to be quite fucking honest, I'm happy.

New semester, new boy, pulling heart strings like a wind-up toy

If there exists so simple a thing on this fruitful earth that we are ever so sure of, I’m certain of it to be the lack of it, or rather—the nothingness.

Story Time:
This summer, I was seeing a guy who I met three years ago who ended up being an incredible friend to me. We were never really close until this summer hit and we did have an incredible summer together.

His plans were set out for him and we both knew he was moving come August and the likelihood of us staying together was slim to none.

He told me once that it was easier for me because when he left I would stop caring about him, I would forget about him and I would find a “new boy”.

In some way, he was right.

He was wrong in some aspects because I still care about him, and I didn’t forget him.

Well, you can only imagine the part of his assumptions that ended up being true. It is now September.

At the beginning of August I went to a bar with my girlfriends and met a guy who was very out-going and incredibly easy to talk to. I thoroughly enjoyed his company and his conversation and by the end of the night, well…. We call it the end of the night because that’s when the night is over, right?

A few days later, I found his number in my phone—after completely forgetting all recollections of having even taken it down at all—I decided to message him. This in itself is a rarity of many sorts because I never message back the people who give me there numbers whilst in my drunken state, but something told me it would be nice to figure out what he was up to, so I did.

Since then, we’ve been talking dawn ‘til dusk. So between every “good morning” when the sun comes up and every “good night” when our eyes can’t stay open any longer, we managed to find an infinite amount of things to talk about, therein giving us infinitely more reasons to enjoy each other.

So, finally, for the first time after the night at the bar and that morning after, we hung out and spent the entire day together. I don’t know if words can explain how positively good it truly felt to spend my time with someone so genuine and so real. I think the only way I can describe it is the way I usually do: by conveying my thoughts of every feeling and every emotion through a flurry of words that describe only an infinitesimal amount of comparisons to what I really felt..

Well it did feel something like this,

When you see him, and you try to act casual, but your face feels bombarded with the smile that won’t fuck off. When you try to act reserved and civilized, but your arms just pull you forward and somehow your lips are on his. Then in that instant you realize he kissed you first and even if you were reserved, he definitely wasn’t.

When you walk side by side and without giving it a single thought, instinctively your hand has it’s hold within his and somehow he just knows to squeeze yours tighter; as if he knows you need that bit of reassurance because all you’re thinking  of is “am I dreaming, or is this real life?”.

When you’re lying down together and no words need to be said to break the silence because staring into his eyes makes you feel almost as if you’ve known him forever, as if you’ve known everything he’s already said to you and everything he will say to you. But even though you only met him just recently, it’s wanting to know so much more of him and his life that intrigues you and piques at your interest. Suddenly you’re engrossed with curiosity and even his little horror stories seem like a beautifully webbed obstacle in the path of the protagonist-hero from the fairy tale that your life with him is starting to feel like.

When he touches you and every bit of your skin begins to tingle, not because you’re nervous or scared, but because his every touch simply excites you. Suddenly every fibre of your being is overwhelmed with the desire to want him more and more and more and even when you have him as close and as completely as one possibly could, you’re not ready to stop and let go. In fact, more than anything, you will the world to stop for you, just in that instant, because it’s almost the perfect moment for time to stand still because every emotion is at it’s peak. However, even the descent from thence forth is still unrivaled in its simplicity for sheer calm and undoing.

When you close your eyes because hearing the sound of his voice is the only sense you want to feel because without knowing why, you know that even in it’s simplicity, it’s beautiful. For just that second, the smile on his face and the feel of his lips on your lips or his skin on your skin isn’t comparable to the simple peace that succumbs you when the rest of your senses are veiled by the sound of his voice.

When you’re making dinner and he pulls you into him just for the kiss. Maybe it’s a “thank you for making me dinner” kiss, or an “I saw you from across the counter and I couldn’t resist” kiss, or even the “you smiled at me first and I knew you wanted it” kiss, but for whatever reason he has, you know you kiss him back with a “just because” kiss… just because you know he wouldn’t kiss you unless he wanted to.

When you’re working over the stove and you feel him coming closer to you, suddenly his arms wrap around your waist from behind so he can pull you in as he kisses the back of your head and the nape of your neck and says to you, “You’re so beautiful.” But even with the pan handle in one hand and a spatula in the other, with the burner heat set on high and the sound of the oil sizzling in front of you, the world stands still for you because it’s letting you know that you have time to smile for such simple little things.

When you’re asleep with his arms wrapped around you, and you wake up to his gentle kisses on yours cheek and neck. You turn around to give him a kiss and whilst half asleep, you say, “you woke me up, Mr. Shea” and all he can say back is, “and?” before continuing to kiss you. You feel yourself smiling in his kisses and notice the sides of his mouth turning upward when he kisses you as well; so even though the lights are out and the sun is down, you begin to imagine his adorable dimples and the innocent shape of his eyes when he smiles at you. Suddenly, you’re both smiling and kissing and laughing because though nothing is funny it’s always appropriate to laugh with the people who make you smile.

Well, I’ll tell you, it’s happening a lot quicker than I wanted or even expected it to.  He’s far from perfect, but he’s just so fucking real. I keep finding more and more reasons to believe that he’s different and it’s attractive to say the least.

I don’t know where this is going or where it will take us, but he’s amazing because from the day I met him he’s had more substance in his character than most of the men I’ve had the pleasures and displeasures of meeting. He’s everything he said he was and hasn’t given me any reason to doubt the man he says he is. He’s been so honest with me from day one and even if he’s just another one that comes and goes like all the rest, I already know he’ll be special to me. His dad’s left handed, therefore, it must be true.

We do terrible things to hide the secret lives we live

More often than not, I force myself to be skeptical and suspicious of other people, and "other people" usually ends up being MOST people because I have very little trust left to offer to society. It's a shame, I know, but positive speculation oft yields disappointing results and I can't stress enough how fed up I am of undue disappointment.

Unfortunately for myself, I'm aware that I deserve a notable degree of bad karma because I acted thoughtlessly this summer, and to those who deserve it most, my respect was unavailable.

***

The worst part about giving your wholesome heart to someone is being in fear that they're only giving you a portion of theirs. It's even worse when the fear becomes a matter of trust and you begin to believe that perhaps they only give you an indefinite portion of their heart because the rest of it is being given to someone else. I have a friend, whom I love dearly, and I remember her telling me that she was in a predicament at the start of her relationship (with the current boyfriend she's been with for almost a year now) that easily could have ended everything on the spot if she reacted differently. I remember her telling me that her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend claimed that she was pregnant and was planning to keep the baby. My friend's boyfriend told her the news and said that he wasn't going to be with his ex-girlfriend, but he was going to support her the whole way through because that was his responsibility. He knew very well that my friend was going to leave him, but he was honest with her and despite the heavily hurtful truth, my friend said to him, "Okay. If that means you still want to be with me, then okay. But, I swear, if I feel even the littlest bit like I'm sharing you with someone else then it's over." 

A few weeks later, my friend and her boyfriend found out that the ex-girlfriend's pregnancy was falsified. Doctors notes and ultrasounds were taken from google images and photoshopped, but when the ex-girlfriend found out that my friend had decided to stick it out, despite the pain of it all, there was a sudden "miscarriage" and the ex-girlfriend left them alone. That was almost a year ago. I saw my friend again this summer when she came to visit after coming back from school in Hamilton and although we kept in touch over skype where I heard this story countless times before, there was something different about her telling me in person when she said, "Czar, honestly, it broke my heart when he told me his ex-girlfriend was keeping the baby. We were only dating for a couple of weeks when it happened so it would have been so easy for me to dump him right then and there, most girls would have. I was scared I would lose him because I knew that if I started to feel uncomfortable and if I started to feel like he wasn't only mine but he was someone else's too, then I wouldn't be able to hold on anymore. But something inside me told me that I wouldn't have to share him, that he was worth it to stay and that I had to hang on to him. So I did. And look at us, I love him, I'm IN love with him. I've never felt this way about anyone before and I know this is it, this is love."

Every time she talked about him, every time she mentioned his name, almost a year into their relationship and she was still smiling. 

I have this theory that the first three to four months are the best part of a relationship before the fire slowly starts to die down and eventually you stop feeling it. At that point you get too comfortable and despite the dying spark, the comfort and security is what makes most people stay together. The couple can still love each other, but they stop being IN love with each other; and they just simply weren't meant to be in love anymore. In accordance with my theory, I believe that it's the people who can stay in love after the 4 month mark that end up staying in love for the next countless amount of years to come. But for most couples, after four months, they see enough of a each other to convert the feeling of being hopelessly in love with someone into the feeling of being comfortable and ever-caring for one another instead, but usually it's sufficient for making a relationship last. 

A lot of people may argue that four months isn't nearly enough and that couples can stay together for years before finally realizing they're not in-love anymore. But in my opinion, I think that the feeling of being comfortable, secure, and content with someone can very easily mask the disappearance of being "in love". Those couples stop being in-love, but they have enough reasons to simply love the other person the way you would love and care about your friends. It's only at the point where loving the person stops entirely that they come to the realization that they weren't in-love with them at all.

***

So now that I've told my story and explained my theory, let me explain my situation. There is a single instant in a course of events when you make the decision that something or someone is worth the trouble. Whether the trouble has happened yet or the trouble is yet to come, there's a point in situation where you instantly know that no matter the weather, you'll bear out the storm because you instinctively feel like you need to. It's like being in school and dreading it like hell, you make the decision to either stay, switch programs, switch schools, or drop out entirely, but you do come to the point where you instinctively know whether it's worth it or not. 

Last night, I hung out with Kaitlyn and she stayed over at my house til the wee hours of the night and we talked about the things in life that we usually talk about. One of which was my situation with boys, the irrevocably stupid situation that it is and this was my conclusion:

We're not officially dating right now. That in itself is justifiable grounds for him to go fucking around with other girls and I'm not entitled to say otherwise because neither of us made the declaration that we didn't want each other doing things with other people. If he came up to me today and said, "Czarina, I fucked someone else yesterday." My only genuine response would be, "Okay, do you want to leave me?"

I'll be honest, I'll be dreadfully bloody honest. To this day, I don't know the conditions of our relationship because we're not officially together. I've heard other people refer to me as his "girlfriend" and some people refer to him as my boyfriend. Yet that doesn't constitute the guidelines of what we actually are because as aforementioned, there have been no declaration of conditions to this thing we have. However, I think it's only fair to mention that I know he loves me simply because he told me so, his friends told me so, and he shows me enough for me to believe it. Whether it's true, whether I have the ability to even say it back, the fact remains that love or not, we're not dating and there are no constraints on his willingness to do anything with anyone else. With that, I've made the conscious decision, as I'm instinctively able to do, to stick out a tumult. This is the gist of what I told Kaitlyn and Chelsea (I'm mixing up texts and conversation to come to a definitive point, but essentially points were made to both):

"I love him, I do. I won't tell him because even though he's told me numerous times, I know I'm not ready to tell him yet. We're not really together and if I tell him I love him now then he has the ability to hurt me, and I won't give him that. If he tells me tomorrow that he's been having sex with someone else, then fine, maybe I deserve it as bad karma, so go ahead and do whatever, we're not dating. If he decides that he'd rather have her than me, fine. Either way, I have no choice but to deal with it. What else am I going to do? Tell him to give it back to her? I'm not retarded, I know where I stand. I'm perfectly comfortable with knowing how he feels and that if he was having sex with someone else, he still loves me, but it's okay, we're not together. Depending on the circumstances, maybe I'll leave him. If he gave me reason to believe that she wasn't just a "fuck" but that he actually has feelings for her, then I no longer have a reason to stay. But to my fairest judgment, I know that single people have sex with other single people and that's life, I'm in no position to stop him. Sure, it'll hurt me, but I'm an understanding person and it's only fair that I don't make him feel tied down because it's his summer too, not just mine. Easily, I could be over thinking this and he could be entirely loyal to me even though we're not together. When he said I was the only girl, he could have meant it and stays true to it even now. But then again, he could have found himself a reason not to. Either way, if he decides afterwards that he wants to be with me and really be with me, not just playing this game of "what the fuck are we!?", then I'll make him know that he's mine and if he even thinks of giving himself to someone else, then she can have him entirely because I'm not sharing him."

I've come to the point of an understanding calm. I realized that whatever happens will happen. There is a reason for everything under the sun. If we don't make it past the summer, then I'll know it happened because it was supposed to and I won't fight it because that's the way the universe works. Likewise, if we do make it past the summer, then I'll know I have a reason to fight for it because I've been given an opportunity that I otherwise shouldn't have had. So instead of moping around worrying about what's to come of this confusing thing we have together, I'm going to let this thing take its course. Shit changes all the time and I know I can find happiness in any outcome if I sincerely will it to be so. 

I was told that if he gives me any reason why we shouldn't be together, it's because there's someone better suited for me. If he gives me all the reasons why we should be together, it's because he's the best suited for me right now.

So here's to the summer of shady mistakes and bad decisions; 

And to providence, I say: come what may.

Queen of corruption capital

Okay so this story is almost a little bit too random not to tell...
Yesterday, I spent most of my day with the family celebrating my little cousin's birthday. I came home tired as shit and then my "not really my boyfriend but practically my boyfriend" guy asked me to come out to Fionn's. In all honesty, I was way too tired to go and I didn't want to pay for a cab but after telling my friend that I wanted to go but wasn't entirely down to find the means of getting there and coming back, she told me she'd meet up with me there and then drive me home. So I went.
Anyway, I think I must be the bestestest friend of all time ever, while simultaneously being the worst influence ever because when my "not really my boyfriend but practically my boyfriend" guy put it in my mind that my friend ought'a hook up with one of his best friends, I instantly did everything in my will and power to make that happen.
I'm a little bit of a tragedy at best, but I do recall telling my best friend the following: "It's YOUR summer, bitch, I'm not down to be a whore this summer, but there's nothing stopping you from being one!!"
Mind you, I was pretty drunk at this point, sure those words were a little bit aggressive, but I'm pretty sure that my effort led to 50% of the following events that part-took throughout the course of the night and I suppose 40% was due to the guy's charisma while the remaining 10% was due to my friend's willingness to do whatever it was she did on her own..

Anyway, after getting to a friends house and passing out on a futon with my "not really my boyfriend but practically my boyfriend" guy in the same room with his friend and my friend, I wake up at roughly 5:30AM to a text message from my friend telling me that she left, not even 10 minutes prior, and she dropped off my purse in front of a bush beside my house. Followed by another text saying "Arriving home with my bra and panties in hand, can't get much classier."

Honestly, I slept through whatever the hell happened last night, save for a moment where I woke up to Carly Rae Jepson and started singing it. Other than that.. well, it's her summer, right? I could potentially be such a horrible friend, but realistically, I never left her metaphorical side and I think my judgment played out pretty well last night. I think I should make my rounds setting my friends up with potential hook ups for the rest of the summer because lord knows that's what I've always been good at, considering that I'm terrible at doing it for myself.

I may as well corrupt my friends since I'm done being corrupted. It was nice being with my "not my boyfriend but practically my boyfriend" guy last night. Anyway, I had a good morning, to say the least.

Reserving my right to a monogamous fuck.

It's self explanatory.
Basically, I screwed around with three guys in 24 hours sometime early last week.
I didn't think I would post that, but this is a reveal-all, tell-all blog so I'm living up to that statement.
Judge me if you will, that's cool, I accept it. I'm not proud of what I did, and I'm beating myself right the fuck up for it too, but hey, you gotta sacrifice some things, like your dignity, to realize where your head really needs to be.

I have absolute butterflies for this guy, I mean damn, he makes me giddy. I haven't smiled this way just thinking about someone in a LONG TIME. He doesn't deserve a dumb bitch like me, but I'm not down to lose him right now because he may just be my saving grace of the summer. If I could have a guy like him forever and for always, I wouldn't complain, but just having him for two more months will suffice and I'm not down for giving him up just because I dun' goofed.

I don't know how to apologize to him because I haven't told him about what happened and to be honest, I don't think I will. I doubt he even reads this blog because I've never talked about this with him before and he's never mentioned it. I really hope he doesn't see this anytime soon.. or ever.

Anyway, the whole point of that was getting it off my chest and putting down in writing that I'm not going to go around making out with randoms or having affairs with exes because there's a guy who I like and really care about and I think...just maybe...it might hurt him to ever find out what I did.

So to the guy I like, although you may never read this, I'm really sorry. I do, I really really do care so much about you. I love our friendship way too much to ruin it by philandering the rest of my summer and I didn't mean to do what I did to intentionally cause harm to you. I know it looks like I'm toying with you, but I'm not. You're better than my thoughtless actions gave way and it took me a shoe-less walk down Queen Street to realize that you really care about me the way you say you do.. I'm not gonna risk doing stupid shit anymore and even though we're not dating or even ever planning to date, I know, just by the way you kiss me, that you would be happier knowing I was just yours for the summer. So here she is, the monogamous summer I promised you. I'm sorry; and knowing you'll never read this, I hope that in the subconscious dream world of astral cosmic existences, we'll somehow find each other so you can forgive me and forget about the entirety of it in your wake. I like you, a lot; and hey, I'm pretty crazy about you too.

Unholy Unhell, am I ...in-crush?

NOT a sex post. So please, feel free to stop reading now in case my dealings of emotions don't tickle your fancy.
Anyway, I've been friends with a particular guy for a few years now, we were never really close friends, but he's always been very good to me in the line of respect and friendship.
Since summer's been here for a while, we recently started hooking up, at least about a month ago and that's all it's really been if you take away the friendly conversations we have on the reg. I feel bad for referring to him in the blog as my "boytoy", but realistically, I can't call him anything else while refusing to mention his name. I feel like sexbuddy or fuckbuddy is a little harsh, and technically, so is referring to him as boytoy, but whatever. It is what it is.
Anyway, I guess it's fair to say that because of our friendship, I've always cared a lot about him because even though we never really talked on a regular basis, definitely not as daily as we do now, he's always been there for me and entirely understanding of my situation. OR rather, he's been entirely understanding of my many situations when I randomly decided to vent to him.
I never, however, thought I would really like him more than a friend because he's always been such a good friend to me. Even when we started hooking up, I knew I cared about him significantly, but I never thought I'd harbor any feelings for him that were outside the "friendship" we already had.
I can't admit to having strong feelings because I don't, but I'll be honest, I do like him a lot. I don't think this is going anywhere, given both our situations, and because we've really only been seeing each other to maximize the fun out of our summer as friends, I can't picture us dating. However, I think I'm crushing, and for now I think it's cute because he gives me butterflies.
With that being said, I think I'm done my frivolity. No more random, drunken make-outs with guys AND girls alike. And no more of the other things that my best friends know of... yeah.. even if he chooses to do his own business as a casual philanderer, I'll keep it clean for the rest of the summer until this is over because I respect him a ton.

Good-bye deprivation!

Of course, it's me, the one who looks like a casual philanderer because I'm the only one who has sexual things to say in this sex & love related blog page on a daily basis. Don't be fooled though! ChelC-3P0 is a philanderer too! >=]
Anyway, the title speaks for itself. Due to some monthly-occurring inconveniences, coupled with my hectic schedule, I obviously couldn't enjoy the company of "the guy" for roughly a week.
But today that dry-spell ended. Not to mention it was, so far, the hottest day of the summer here in Brampton, thus, giving true meaning to "hot & steamy" sex.
Meh, what can I say, this will probably be the first and ONLY time I talk about my "regular" sex in this blog because realistically this is the stuff that shouldn't be interesting to ANYONE.
So to save myself the writing trouble, I think I'll just inform everyone at this point that unless something extraordinary happens in my sex-life/love-life, then it won't be up here anymore. But I just wanted to tack on that I think I kind of, sort of, maybe have a little crush on "the guy"... he's pretty cute :)
TTFN.
czaR2D2

A night like any other night: sexually torn but knowing exactly what I wanted..

Saturday night (last night) was a fairly eventful night for me, to say the least, but I wouldn't say it was eventful in my favor. I had fun, don't get me wrong, but I was frustrated because I was literally torn between who to go home with. At the end of the day, it was a no-brainer, literally.

So, after about 6 months since I saw him last, my baby-daddy came down to Brampton to see our son for father's day weekend. Being a late Saturday, my baby-daddy's best friend and I decided to take him to a local bar after pre-drinking at my house, and so a night of drunken endeavors ensued thenceforth.

Went to Fionn MacCool's, the talent wasn't great, but hey, it was a fun night.
I spotted one of my childhood bestfriends and bought us both shots because it was his birthday last week. He insisted on buying me shots later on and like anyone else would, I took him up on the offer. Two cocktails, three glasses of beer, pornstars and two liquid cocaine shots later, I found myself conversing with a girl who randomly knows I'm in love with greek pasta salad about dancing like a hooker, having a pretty ravishing mack-sesh with the childhood bestfriend that I friend-zoned 7 years ago, then to be kissed by the greek-pasta girl... a couple times...and kind of enjoying it, then trying to establish whether I was cabbing home or cabbing to the boytoy's house after the bar and being absolutely torn between who I ought to go home with--rather, who I ought to sleep with that night..
I ended up taking a cab back to my house with the baby-daddy and his best friend, and after what only now seems to have been an awkward 10 minute cab-ride conversation about how both my baby-daddy and I filmed our sex with our most recent exes and then conversing about something regarding pig roasts before getting out of the cab, I went straight into my house ate some medley of shellfish, and passed out on my bed, sandwiched between my son and my new kitten.
It was remarkably relieving.

I think at the end of the day, living a life like mine, this triple-role lifestyle as a young mom, a business student, and a 20-year-old night-time slut, your priorities start to shine through when you decide to go straight home and into bed so that your son has you to wake up to every single morning. When sobriety hits, you become extremely relieved when you take in the fact that you didn't go to your buddy's house for a night of freaky drunken sex knowing that it would have resulted in a walk of shame up to the front door of your house at 5 AM, hoping you don't make noise because everyone knows you weren't at a bar until 5.
Yeah, I can thoroughly say that I'm glad that has never happened to me before. I'm happy to say that I don't think it ever will simply because even in my drunken state, my number one priority is making sure my son isn't affected by the ten-thousand different personas I need to be just to live my life and really enjoy it.

Former Posts

 June 16th 2012

Bar? What bar? 

So, tonight I went to a bar I've never been to before. I kinda expected it to be filled with old men and drunks, but instead... I found CHILDREN. SO MANY CHILDREN. No word of a lie, I have never seen more people with braces in a single room, the only exception to this being the orthodontist. But really, it was awful. I'm all for getting guys to buy me drinks, but not when it's with their mothers debit card. 

This isn't really about sex or relationships, it's just about how disappointed I was at the turn out. 

Y'all need some facial hair. 

Sincerely, 

ChelC-3P0