That awkward moment when you realize you're an emotional prude..

It's funny.. getting a lot of texts after writing an angry blog post asking if I'm okay or telling me that I have bad taste in men or whatever the hell else.

A) I'm great now, significantly better than I was before. But at the time, no, I was not great. I was not okay and there are an insurmountable amount of reasons why I rage via internet, however, it is commonly due to the fact that I can't actually commit mass murders when I'm angry without being arrested and tried; therefore, I channel my weighty rage elsewhere.

B) I am aware that I have bad taste in men. I have AWFUL taste in men. But.. well.. Can I just say that every girl has a boyfriend or a man-partner who probably does the same shit or even worse shit to them than mine has done to me? The only reason why it looks like the taste I have in men in something along the lines of vilely repulsive is because I'm the only person who does not give a shit if my life is on the internet. However, I don't like hanging up my dirty laundry for everyone, so I wanted to just clear up my last post... because... well.. it was partially if not entirely uncalled for.

So obviously I told my mom about what happened because I tell that wench everything.
As embarrassing as it is, she said to me, "Czar, honestly, you think you're perfect? You think that you would never make a mistake like that in a relationship? If you did that to someone you cared about and acted immaturely or irrationally, but after coming to your senses, you knew the fight wasn't worth losing them over and you genuinely apologized, do you seriously believe you wouldn't deserve a second chance? It wasn't an unforgiving incident, it was just a misunderstanding and bad communication on both your parts. He's not perfect, but if he said he was sorry and you feel that he means it, then don't be such a bitch about it because you're not a high and mighty queen who can step on people like that and tell them they don't deserve to be forgiven just because you're angry and conceited and think you own the universe. That's stupid and if you think this fight is worth it, then you're stupid too."

Thank you, mother, for your insightful words.

However, ummm...
Yeaaah.. So I'm not mad at him anymore, obviously. I pretty much stopped being angry after I published the last post about it simply because I genuinely believed it was over and I've learned not to cry over spilled milk. So once I got it out of my system, I just left it alone. On the contrary to my belief that it was over and that he would just drop it too, I unexpectedly received an apology. I haven't received the full explanation because that's not something you can talk about in a message and since we haven't had the time to see each other this week and fully discuss what happened, it remains unexplained, but we're okay now. I think we might actually be doing better than before the fight/fracas/argument/dispute/conflict/quarrel/disturbance, whatever the fuck it was, yeah, I actually feel that for some really fucked up and strange reason, things just ended up getting better.
Call me retarded. Go for it. I am.
Okay so my taste in men still isn't exquisite, I admit. However, I'm a man of my word and I still stand by what I said in the prior post regarding this issue. Everything that happened was actually quite horrible, I still stand by the fact that it WAS his folly, he WAS the one who said we were over, he WAS the one stepping out of line and he WAS the one acting irrationally. However, he acknowledged it. To be fair, I did not bitch at him or argue back. I didn't carry on the fight, nor did I try to point out the reasons why he was in the wrong. However, I did send him a kerfuffle of texts trying to tell him that I respect his decision not to be with me and that if all we wanted to do was pick a fight and throw accusations at me, then I didn't want to hear the millions of reasons why he thinks I'm such a horrible person. I did my best to end on good terms and my exact words were, "Honestly, I respected you and I trusted you and I'm really bummed that we had to end it this way. I don't hold grudges and breaking bridges over something as juvenile as this is simply immature, so if one day you realize that I genuinely never meant to hurt you and you decide that you want to be friends again, come talk to me.
Until then, I do hope you enjoy the rest of your summer and I do wish you good luck when you start at [...] this fall."

Harmless, I think. 

Anyway, he did apologize and he's been good to me since. I know a lot of you reading this will say to yourselves, "well, Czar's fucking stupid because who's to say he won't do it again? and now she's just forgiving him like it was nothing." Or maybe you'll even say, "We;;, Czar, you're stupid because you blew up over nothing and now you're regretting it." actually, no I'm not regretting it, and I did have every reason to blow up. I'm just a forgiving person in the light of reason.
However, not very many people are smart enough to say, "nope, I'm done, I'm not even going to give it a chance to happen again, I'm out, peace."

But the difference is, I didn't fight WITH him, nor did I fight FOR him. I respected his decision when he said we were over and I left it at that. When he said everything in the world that made me angrier than Poseidon when Odysseus blinded Cyclops (which I believe to be the best demonstration of anger in fictional history), I said I was okay with us being over and I wasn't going to argue because it's pointless. Honestly, I didn't ask for us to be over, I didn't want us to be over, but I knew that if he felt the same way he would prove me otherwise. It was his call to leave, at no fault of mine, and if he really meant it, he would have stopped messaging me after I said I was okay with us being over. 
He did apologize, and even after going on his rant about why he was so mad at me, he still had it in him to say he was sorry for it. It's hard for any guy to go against everything he said and apologize for doing what he thought was justifiable and I think that takes balls. So kudos to him.
I'm still waiting for his explanation, not that it matters anymore because the storm has settled, but I still don't know how we even got into that fight or where it all came from and I just want to know why.
Other than that... well..
He's been doing a pretty good job of showing me that I didn't make a mistake when I accepted his apology. I guess that's what matters. No point lingering on the past. I just want to hear the explanation to make sure I did the right thing and I just need to know it won't happen again.